If A Wideman Falls And No Ones Around, Does It Make A Sound?

In the words of a stereotypical hillbilly: "Hot diggity damn!"

I was sitting through a 3 hour staff meeting when my phone started to vibrate in my pocket. I thought it was many things, my BBM group, my wife, my gym buddy...so I ignored it. After staff meeting, I took my phone out of my pocket to read:

"BRUINS NEWS: Bruins acquire Nathan Horton and Gregory Campbell from Florida."

And I wondered 'who the hell did we give up for that?'

Well, good thing my BBM group is on point. The Bruins have traded Dennis Wideman, #15 overall in this year draft and a 2011 3rd round draft pick for Campbell and Horton.

#1. I love this trade built on the fact that Wideman is no longer on the Bruins. I would trade this mother fucker for a bottle of strained Gerber peas and a bottle of Todd Bridges' taint.

Wideman was AWFUL this season and while he showed improvement in the playoffs, the 82 games before that can't be ignored. Based on NHL.com's stats page, there were 879 players recorded in the plus/minus category. Dennis Wideman was ranked 834 amongst those 879 with a -14. MINUS 14!

Wideman was also ranked 9th overall on the Bruins with 30 points which is very different from his 2008-2009 total of 50 points (and 6th overall in Boston).

Now Horton was a very productive player for Florida. In 65 games played this year, Horton scored 20 goals and helped in 37 others (57 points overall) which would rank him second in goals on Boston, first in assists and first in points.

Cap Situation

Wideman's cap hit was crippling based on his erratic and poor play. Wideman, under contract for the next two seasons, stands to make $4M in 2010-2011 and $4.5M in 2011-2012 before becoming a free agent.

Horton's contract is up after the 2012-2013 season and is in line with the Wideman contract in 2010-2011 season and 2011-2012. In the last year of his contract, Horton will stand to make $5.5M which could be an issue for Boston.

The other piece to this trade, Greg Campbell is a restricted free agent this season.

Overall

Like I said earlier, I love this trade. Wideman was a big reason why the Bruins were not as effective as the year before. His play diminished and his attitude of "I don't care" seemed to rub fans the wrong way. His lack of skating was also an issue as there have been numerous times this year where Wideman has wiped out and left opponents on breakaways.

Horton, on the other hand, is a big guy who can score goals and will drop the gloves if needed. I'd be interested to see where he lands on the lines, but a lineup of Horton-Savard-Lucic could be very dangerous.

My List of Shit I Want To Do Before I Die

So, I figured that in my prime old age of 27 that I should put together a Bucket List of shit to do before I pass away. I'm not going to lie, most of this is going to be absolutely outrageous, but in conscious, it is something I've always wanted to do.

Oh, can I tell you how much I hate the term "Bucket List". Seriously the phrase should be abolished from human dialect along with "guesstimate", "frumpy" and "stupendous". If any of you use those words, please run into the nearest wall at high speeds.

From now on, I will not use "Bucket List" but instead "My List of Shit I Want To Do Before I Die".

So here it is:

My List of Shit I Want To Do Before I Die

1. Punch Patrick Kane in the face dressed as a cab driver
2. Leave an upper-decker at someone's house
3. Tell Kobe Bryant, personally, that he's a rapist
4. Sky dive
5. Have a midget walk 6-12 inches behind me with an old school boom box playing Foo Fighters "My Hero" as I strut down the streets of Boston
6. Hold the Stanley Cup over my head in winning fashion
7. See a donkey show (you know you all want to in Tijuana)
8. Shoot an RPG

I'll be adding to this list as more stupid shit crops up into my brain.

No, I don't have any fucking change!!

This post was posted at my old blog on January 21, 2009. I hope you enjoy it.

So I go to Lawrence this morning for jury duty...yeah, fucking jury duty. That in itself is a kick in balls, especially because I have to get up earlier to "beat the traffic."

"Make sure you beat the traffic", they say
"There will be a lot of traffic," I hear
"Watch out for the traffic," is said...

So I get up at 6:15am to "beat the traffic", yet all I want to do is beat myself in the face with the frying pan that lies under the sink. So whatever, I get dressed, wake up fiancee (say whaaaaat?) with the light, go into the living to get dressed and I'm on my way...

...to fucking Lawrence...

...for fucking jury duty...

Fast forward, I'm in Lawrence and pull into a parking garage that says 'CASH ONLY', which is fine. I get my ticket and find a spot that is so crammed in, I may need the jaws of life to get the fuck out of my car.

I know I'm a big boy, but seriously, how fucking small are these spaces? I could take a shit and it wouldn't fit in this mother fucker. Maybe it was the piece of shit Mazda that was next to be, raping the yellow line that designates spots...I don't know.

Well at least it wasn't as bad as last week at work when I literally had to get in my passenger side and CLIMB OVER MY FUCKING CENTER CONSOLE because the spots are filling up. But that was kinda funny, I laughed about it, I didn't swear or anything, not like here. I like work, I don't like Lawrence.

Now, some of you may be saying "Greg, what is so bad about Lawrence?" In the short term, EVERYTHING! Want to picture Lawrence? Ok, go home and do this. Build a city out of Legos, Mega Blocks or whatever type of building block you have. Fuck, use Lincoln logs if you have to, that doesn't matter. Now this is the important part:

After you erect this lego city, with the yellow headed people going to their jobs, eat some mexican food and take a hefty diaherreah dump all over it and that's Lawrence.

Trust me, I worked there. It may be the worst place in the world. I would rather take a beating by a spiked bat in the balls every day for the rest of my life then go back to that cesspool.

ANYWAYS...I'm sitting in my car listening to Toucher and Rich because there WASN'T ANY FUCKING TRAFFIC THAT WARRANTED ME LEAVING AT THE ASS CRACK OF THE SUN and I have about an hour to kill before I walk into court.

So I'm looking over my paper work and notice that date of when I have to report...

JANUARY 28, 2009

WHAT!!?!?$#@(*!*&!&#$!

Are you shitting me!?I'm in fucking Lawrence, the epitome of awfulness...FOR NO FUCKING REASON!? After my head exploded a la Scanners, I realized I needed money and need to find a bank...

So I'm walking around downtown Lawrence looking for an ATM, hoping and praying I'm not caught in some gang related drive-by-shooting (but I'm wearing neutral colors, so I should be ok). It's freezing out but I finally find a Bank of America, where I know I'm going to get ass fisted with charges, but don't care.

I take out $20 and proceed back to the parking garage to leave and head to work. I'm in a great mood of course because Fiancee has laughed at me and Boss probably thinks I'm a douche for being so stupid.

SO I'm leaving the parking garage and I pull up to a woman who looks like the kin of Corky from Life Goes On. I hand her my ticket and she tells me...

"1.50"

Yeah, 1.50 for the 15 minutes I parked there. Whatever. I give her my $20 which leads to her looking at me like I have 5 heads. Then this beautiful conversation happens, with her leading of course...

"$20? You don't have a $1.50?"
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I went to the ATM because I don't carry cash on me."
"And all you have is a $20?"
"Yes."
"You don't have any change in your car?"
"No."
"You're telling me you have don't have $1.50 in your car?"
"Yes, I don't have $1.50, now give me my change so I can get the fuck outta here and go to work"

What the fuck is wrong with her? Do I have $1.50? Yes, lady I do, but I'm such an asshole that I want to give you a $20 so you have to actually count out the change. I want to make your life worse than it probably already is, so I gave you a fucking $20 bill instead of the magical $1.50 I have sitting here right besides me.

Do you think I really want $18.50 in change!? Does it give me some sort of sick pleasure knowing that I made your day awful because you had to actually count out $18.50 when I had $1.50 sitting here, looking at you, taunting you.

NO I DONT HAVE A FUCKING $1.50, IF I HAD A FUCKING $1.50, I'D GIVE IT TO YOU SO YOU WOULD SHUT UP AND I WOULDN'T HAVE TO HAVE SUCH A STUPID FUCKING CONVERSATION WITH YOU...

and I get to do this all again next Wednesday because I'm a fucking idiot...

Eat me Lawrence.

A Look At The NCAA Football 11 Demo

I played all 4 games so here's a short little review. Please note, I did not have NCAA 2010 so take that for what it's worth.

The 8 teams you can play as: Ohio St, Miami, Texas, Oklahoma, Florida, Florida State, Clemson and Mizzou

1) The Nike uniforms are horrible, especially Texas (because I'm a big Longhorns fan).

2) Presentation/Graphics: The ESPN presentation is a nice touch and I have a feeling the demo is only the tip of the iceberg. I don't know about anyone else, but I didn't hear any of Erin Andrews. Plus for the Red River Shootout (Oklahoma/Texas) there wasn't any special presentation (which would be a downer). Also for Florida/Florida St (Governor's Cup) there was no trophy presentation. Again, since its the demo, I think this is the tip of the iceberg in terms of presentation.

The graphics are crisp and clean. Something strange I found was if you pull back to "coach's cam" and look towards the end of the field, the field looks like its rising. It's strange. Anyway, the new introductions look great and I can't wait to see the more "custom" ones like Notre Dame hitting the sign or Michigan running through the smoke.

3) Playcalling. At first, I was really confused with the play calling screen. I thought it was a more streamlined PS2-style version, but when you hit up or down it goes to the next formation. Once I figured out the play calling screen, it made the whole process easier (duh). I really like the no-huddle system. Once you press Y the offensive playbook from the formation you're already in (shotgun trips, ace, etc.) and you can quickly select a new play. This is much better than the Madden system (of 2010 at least) where you can call no-huddle but then are limited to certain audibles.

Defensive play calling was a pain in the ass at first. I felt the time to select a play was to quick and there were numerous times that the game automatically selected the play for me because my time ran out. When you have a Dime package with 15-25 plays in it, it takes a little bit to cycle through those. It was irritating to me because I knew what I was looking for but I ran out of time looking for it.

Another example: I use 4-3 Free Fire as my standard rushing defense. I use it in NCAA and I use it in Madden on almost every first and second down (depending on offensive package of course). In the 4-3 Normal menu, there are 40 plays and Free Fire is #5. If you accidentally hit the d-pad or thumbstick to the left (because you don't know what you're doing [like I did the first few times out]) you start at 40 and work backwards. I wasn't given enough time to go from play #40 to play #5 or even to play #20. I hope that is changed

I also am looking forward to trying the "chaining" style of play calling. Apparently the plays you can chain together have a small green chain in the upper-right hand corner of the play call screen.

Overall I liked the demo and I'm really looking forward to getting the full game. Give this a download if you like football.

Shut Up About Your Conferences, NCAA

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I guess that's all I can say when it comes to the Big 12/Pac-10/Big-10 ménage à trois that ESPN is currently shoving down our throats. Nebraska is going to the Big 10 (or X or whatever the fuck they call themselves) and Texas/Oklahoma/Oklahoma St/Texas Tech were talking about going to the Pac-10 as soon as tomorrow (Tuesday) and everyone above the Mason-Dixon line could care less.

Does a conference re-alignment change that fact that you'll root for Oklahoma? If Texas goes to the Pac-10, are you going to throw your burnt orange blanket out of the window? Will you still wear your Cornhuskers jersey despite the fact they'll play Ohio St and Michigan instead of Mizzou and Texas A&M?

The answer is NO. You, red blooded American, love your football. No matter how many NFL players punch out strippers, no matter how much the BCS bends you over the couch and fucks you, no matter how many times ESPN puts on its Trojan gear and prance about your house, you'll always watch your football. You love it, I love it, everyone loves it.

I'm a big Longhorns fan. On Saturday, I start searching at 11am looking for a channel where I can watch Texas brutally slap Baylor or Texas El Paso around. Nothing will change now that they may be facing Cal or USC. It could be because I live in Massachusetts and all the football schools around here suck a fat prick, but I don't see the big deal about a conference moving around.

The world revolves around money. Sports, both professional and collegiate, are ran by the all mighty dollar. The sense of love from a team doesn't come from the front office anymore, it flows from the stadium packed with students and the fat douches on TV who wear their Vince Young pre-strip club assault jerseys.

I don't know why everyone is so up in arms about teams moving conferences. If the Red Sox moved to the NL, I'd be mad, but that's because we'd have to watch pitchers bat which is the equivalent of getting curb stomped by a midget with large feet.

Move on to something more meaningful in your life people!

I Will Smash Your Face Into A Car Windshield

Welcome, welcome one and all. For those that don't know me, my name is Greg and for the past year and a half I was the creator and sole author of Something's Bruin, a blog about the Boston Bruins. For the last three months, I wanted nothing to do with SB because to me, it wasn't a passion anymore. No, blogging for me started out with the dream of having fun, but all it did was become work.

I don't like to do work.

So I am starting "Stinks of Piss" to blog about what I want, when I want and what I like. You'll still get A LOT of hockey talk, but expect some shit about basketball, beer, food, video games and much more. Stay or not, the only thing I want you to do is laugh.